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alicia

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[09 Jul 2007|11:27pm]
www.livejournal.com/~fearofletters

add it!
i couldn't get rid of this little guy. it's too cute.
do it

[07 Jul 2007|12:42pm]
So, I keep having dreams that I get my teeth knocked out/my teeth fall out. I do not swallow them, therefore I am not pregnant. I don't know what the fuck is going on but when I wake up I run my tongue over my teeth to make sure they aren't loose. Dentures and vaneers creep me the fuck out--maybe that has something to do with it. Like...lose your teeth, lose yourself. PLEASE HELP ME. IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS.

I don't really eat meals anymore. Mainly jell-o and ice cream, and the occasional homemade dinner. There's too much going on, so I'm getting french onion soup bread-bowl at panera.

I got my schedule for first semester...let's just say, wednesdays off, fuck yeah. Oh yeah, and I'm taking anthropology. What the fuck?

I have to buy the new Silverstein album. I heard it was amazing. I also have graduation money. Best combination ever.



HELP ME: Leave one band/song I should listen to. ready, GO.
(2)do it

Bitches get stitches. [23 Jun 2007|09:52pm]
It's official--I no longer have to walk into the worn doorways of Morris Hills High School again. Yesterday was stressful with so much to do, family to see, and thoughts swarming in my head. We had a breakfast that I didn't eat at, I put on an orange comfy dress, and went to a chinese buffet with my dad and step mom. He gave me books and the original Alfie because Michael Cain is hot. An hour and a half of my past four years being squished together in cliche speeches that all started with "Classmates, Family, Faculty, blahblahblah." Boring. Fran's last year will always be the winner. I got a medal which I will wear to all occassions--except not. Family time then Project Graduation or Gorgus-fest 2007. We are dating and will have macoroni and cheese dates together. He is the cutest, most modest boy ever. He's going to get so many sex offers in college. I was awake for a full 24 hours. Lazer tag, dumb pictures, chicken wings giving me heartburn, DDR!!!!, motorcycle races, air hockey, hypnotist, 5 AM dance parties. So many good times. Despite all of my bitching the last month, I sincerely enjoyed my time at hills and truly love the people that matter.

I still didn't get my $30 from the SEED contest I didn't know about. Bummed but still shocked I won. Oh well.

I'll be taking a drive to Willy P tomorrow so I won't get lost for my orientation Thursday. Which I am going to alone. Pumped--although I really know I'm going to pee myself. Next chapter, next phase. I'm so excited for making a name for myself.

Today was a lazy day or Will Smith movie day. Except Beatle Juice. Which I fell asleep during. Woke up in time for the end dance number. "Shake, shake, shake senora, shake your body line. SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE SENORA SHAKE IT ALL THE TIME." I love that song for real.

On another note, I went to TJ MAXX to pick up this baby that I put on hold for the day.


Mines teal, though.

This summer is going to be amazing. Going to the city for vinyl records, American Apparel, Pinkberry, and Naked Cowboy. Seeing my dad more, exploring Atlantic City (for real), shows, Family, Friends, working as much as I can, Cleaning out my room and car, starting fresh. No more messing around.


I hate Hinder with all of me, but their cover of "Born to be Wild" in that one commercial gets me very hot and bothered.

Having said that, I'm going to be lazy some more.
(1)do it

Aerosmith//Realizations [20 Jun 2007|02:00pm]
I kept the right ones out
And let the wrong ones in
Had an angel of mercy to see me through all my sins
There were times in my life
When I was goin' insane
Tryin' to walk through
The pain
When I lost my grip
And I hit the floor
Yeah,I thought I could leave but couldn't get out the door
I was so sick and tired
Of livin' a lie
I was wishin that I
Would die

It's Amazing
With the blink of an eye you finally see the light
It's Amazing
When the moment arrives that you know you'll be alright
It's Amazing
And I'm sayin' a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight

That one last shot's a Permanent Vacation
And how high can you fly with broken wings?
Life's a journey not a destination
And I just can't tell just what tomorrow brings

You have to learn to crawl
Before you learn to walk
But I just couldn't listen to all that righteous talk, oh yeah
I was out on the street,
Just tryin' to survive
Scratchin' to stay
Alive

It's Amazing
With the blink of an eye you finally see the light
It's Amazing
When the moment arrives that you know you'll be alright
It's Amazing
And I'm sayin' a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight
do it

Some thoughts. [27 May 2007|11:35am]
Alfie is the shittiest piece of shit movie ever. Damn them for trying to make audiences feel bad for a motherfucker that cheats on a girl that he's with that truly loves him and damn him for being disloyal to his best friend by sleeping with the girl that he was crying over daily. Damn him. And Susan Sarandon. Fuck everyone in that movie. Except for Marisa Tomei and the friend. She found love and he told him to fuck off. I refused to watch the end.

I must see the end of Red Dragon. I had to leave for a date with Amy but I MUST SEE IT. Hannibal is the most fascinating person ever and Edward Norton is good looking. "hannibal: the beginning" or whatever looks really shitty. Too much violence-totally defeating the purpose of the hannibal films. It's all mental. All in your brain (no pun intended).

I am so in love with Steve Carrell. So. In. Love.

I am dehydrated.

I hate fucking little bratty kids. fuck them.

I hate people who go to New York and wear I <3 NY shirts. Fuck them.

I love memorial day bbq's in New York.

Now I'm going to make toast and drink some orange juice.

Good day.
(2)do it

Go on, go on. [10 May 2007|09:48pm]
Friday: Student Production. Cute and great twist. Too bad I knew about this twist before the play even started rehearsals. I got teary eyed during "Save Me". Damn you Freddie Mercury and your amazing lyrics. Spider Man 3. Laughed when I wasn't supposed to. Black Spidey=Pete Wentz. End of story.

Saturday: Early morning. Fun drive and getting to FOR REAL meet jess. Changing CDs after one song. Long line but life being good. Butterflies in my stomach. People kept trying to push in front but I was always lurking in the shadows. Typical. Funny/angry dude yelling at Bamboozle workers. "ARE YOU GONNA SING OR WHAT?! GET OFF THE FUCKING STAGE! FUCK PEP RALLY!" Scary moms. Fend for yourself. "Are you KIDDING me?!" No, ma'am.

-Boys Like (Fucking) Girls "Oh! I get it."
-Cute is What We Aim For
-Bayside
-Paramore
-Cartel
-Say Anything
-Meg and Dia
-The Almost
-THE HUSH SOUND!

Boys Like Girls were typical dancey fun. Cute..surprised me a lot. I really enjoyed their set and Shaant (with his hair) was actually really good with the audience. I give them a lot of credit for keeping confidence in their tiny, cursed band. I pretty much have gained so much respect for Paramore, it is not even funny. They have incredible talent, and have better stage presence than some bands that are five years older than them. They continually made the audience participate and have fun and even if someone didn't enjoy their music, they had to admire them for putting so much out there and demanding attention. Cartel was still boring and Say Anything was fun. I refuse to say anything more about Cartel. I severely enjoy "honestly" but come on. Quit riding the single train, dudes. Meg and Dia were so cute and did an amazing cover of "no rain." That was the only song I sang along to, and I feel kind of bad for it. But I still nodded my head and danced like a nut to "Monster." Barricade for The Almost. So pumped. Three songs in, adrenaline taking over us and the audience. Too much crowd surfing and moshing for a little space. Barricades enjoy the company of my leg. Thank you, security for doing your job, though. Bandages on my legs and my arms from you. Bandages, bandages, bandageessss (pun intended). Met Aaron and could see that the genuine personality was not just an act. "...and don't let anyone tell you you're not cool enough for myspace. You're all special." He seemed nice but I had nothing to say to him. I was glad to meet such a talent, though. I dealt with thirty minutes of singing robots, but eventually the hush sound blessed me with their presence. They made my night with their cute little selves. I danced like an idiot and made eye contact with Greta, my girl crush. They sounded incredible live. Left when my chem started, but we sang along to "welcome to the black parade" and I ate taylor ham, egg, and cheese and got heartburn.

Sunday: Burned but not broken. The day had finally come. I was drained, sore, and in desperate need of a comfy day. Jeans, "BEAT CENTRAL", and sneakers. I got a confused look from a thirty something dude that only managed to utter "BEAT CENTRAL?!" Good one. Wild crowd-throwing bottles and paper airplanes out of posters. Free shit. Saturday was fun but Sunday was mind blowing.

-Brand New
-Young Love
-THE MATCHES!
-The Devil Wears Prada
-Armor For Sleep
-The Early November
-Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Jacks Mannequin
-Taking Back Sunday

Brand New was good. I respect them and the music they create. The whole "you have SO much you could be doing on a Sunday and better things you could spend the money on," thing kinda bummed me out, but whatever. I get their point but sometimes people need an escape. Young Love put on a surprisingly great live show. I danced like moron and sung. I saw the lead singer of Armor on the side, too. Young Love are like panic!-only more talented, and better at live performance. Just sayin'. Let's not even discuss the Matches because I will only pee myself. Three people away from barricade. Cautious about my whereabouts but still sung until I lost my voice. They are performance geniuses. Between their movements, interactions with both the band and audience, and how they all become mentally insane when they perform, I was on cloud 9. They have changed my views a lot on how a live performance SHOULD be. Not to mention, they wear fancy clothes and make the effort to smile at each fan and point at a person they see singing along. That is what makes my heart melt. After the performance we waited for the signing. An act of God made a piece of newspaper fall in my lap. On the other side was an ad for the Matches' album Decomposer. Destiny. I was a tool and told Shawn they were incredible. (note to self: when meeting people you respect, try asking "how are you?") He, of course, said "thank you so much" and he made conversation, asking about the newspaper clipping. I told him my story but still searched like crazy for a name or byline. The Aquarian. Talked to them about Linkin Park. They make me laugh and make me glad that there are still genuine musicians out in the world that don't just care about looking like "bad asses". I can't wait to see them perform again. I urge you to buy their records. URGE. Heard some stuff and stuff. Armor made me smile, but I was sad we couldn't watch them. Another time, another place. Devil Wears Prada was SO GOOD. We sat and watched by the dunking tank. I thought I would hate them live but they actually earned a lot of respect from me. Red Jumpsuit had technical difficulties and I felt bad. They would have been great if it wasn't for the dumb stage. Jack's was an experience: both with the performance and the audience. Some people disappoint me when all they can say is "JACK! YOURE SO HOT!" (his name's not Jack). I saw fucking Taking Back Sunday. The dudes that helped set stage for my interest in this fucked up music. They're actually ehh live. But to be in their environment was in experience in itself. Lazzara puts on a great show by himself, tossing the mic and practically strangling himself with the cord. Good thing I wasn't close, I would continually ask if he was okay. I thought he was drunk, turns out he's edge now. woops. That's what happens when you ask for sing alongs and do it out of tune, silly Lazzara. Saw Jeffree Star. I laughed out loud. Not at him, but all the girls being like "ohmygodjeffreestariloveyouandyournotsogirlyfigure". Two girls literally booked it to go catch her and her friend. People are funny. It's times like those that I enjoy being a people watcher. Left before the Linkin Park fiasco, but kind of regret it now. I also kind of regret thinking that I want to check out their new album too. Hello, eighth grade. Hello, Rockaway. Hello, taylor ham, egg, and cheese. Hello, heartburn pt. 2. Hello, bed.

My bruises are fading, but the memories are still strong. The sunburn is peeling (ew), but the songs are still reeling in my head. I look at the pictures with pride and I laugh at the stories I re-tell. I'm grateful for each opportunity and for the amazing people I have in my life. Although I may not show it, and I may be socially retarded at times, please know that I love each of you so much. You may not know it, but you all helped create who i am today. Sad and deranged? yes. True? yes.

I should really count how many times I said "incredible" and "presence" in this post. mwahah.
do it

A Life Deliberate. [26 Apr 2007|04:52pm]

So things are gradually getting back to normal. It makes me really happy. I'm not scared to talk to my mom anymore and we're talking and laughing a lot. I have so many ideas reeling in my head. I just need the time to get them out. I'm so excited for them. Next week: placement tests at college. Spiderman 3 and best weekend ever. Hotels, tans, energy drinks, pictures, and music. Seeing the mexican and hopefully coming back with some good thoughts and stories. fucking gym class, the matches, the hush sound, taking back sunday, etc etc. this is the best line up ever. the almost is owning my soul. Planning my next tattoo. Words say a lot. Live. Love. Musicians I once enjoyed/admired are changing. It makes me kind of sad. But I still laugh at their dumb experiences. I can't wait to get an internship and start living my dream. SPIN, Fuse, Rolling Stone, MTV. So many possibilities. Preferably the first two. All working towards freelancing for AP. It will happen. I have three teachers that have faith in me and it makes me so happy and proud. I plan on asking one to be my mentor. New friends, parties, summer heat, working, and shows. chicago boys. oh baby baby, it's a wild world. I'm so excited about going with the flow and enjoying my life. Because "sometimes God gives you a wakeup call to make you see what's important and what's not." I plan on going to church a lot more. And getting the New Years Day, MIKA, and Cold War Kids albums. And gold Nikes. The whitest kids you know makes me want to break faces. But I laugh at Rad Girls, not gonna lie. 

I'll be wearing green tonight for Darfur. And writing about everything I see and feel.

(4)do it

Support good dudes and good music [31 Mar 2007|02:42pm]

GO TO THIS SITE:

http://smartpunk.com/contest2007/

SIGN UP AND VOTE FOR...


2*SWEET

**vote once a day and get them on the Smartpunk Stage at Warped Tour!**



do it

[26 Mar 2007|09:53pm]
Things that are good:
friends
good hangs and bro-downs
music releases (SANTTIIIII)
mix cd's
makeup hair and photoshoots
Bamboozle
Love me Electric
people losing on Deal or No Deal
lame scary movies 
driving with the windows down
those creamy easter egg things
shirley temples
tj maxx
energy drinks-despite what my article says (im pretty much a hypocrite)
cute clothes
curly hair
wild hogs-yeah i said it

Things that are the balls of the earth:
school (mediocre, rather)
sports writing
manhattan traffic
giving your hopes up
full time work schedule (money isnt bad,though)
twenty dollars not filling the gas tank all the way
being too lazy to dress nice

well, the good outweighs the bad. guess i can't really complain, right? right.
(3)do it

STA: shit talkers anonymous. [26 Feb 2007|01:13am]

this week i've had a lot of alone time to just hang out by myself, take a deep breath and enjoy my own space. i've come to realize how lucky i am. considering my amazing family, friends, and the endless times something amazing has happened to me. the mental lists of things i want to do and people i want to meet has become smaller and smaller. the main things, though, can only occur if i work extremely hard. i'm willing to do that because it is my dream. my dream life. no one should be belittled or penalized for the dreams/aspirations they have. that is, if theyre willing to work for it and take the time it takes to get to the top seriously. if you think everything will be handed to you, i honestly believe you do not deserve a thing. sure i procrastinate, but the job gets done and i will not sleep until it is perfect. maybe its the way i was raised, or my natural mental make up, but i believe that some people deserve good and some people dont. all with good reasoning, though. because there are golden boys and girls that i would hand the world and their dreams on a silver platter all ready to go. only because they put every bit of passion they have into what they love to do. those are the people i admire and those are the people i love.

this break-"breach", insomnia, coffee, olive garden, drunk guy with shitty first impressions, left out is perfectly in, free pancakes, love tara, actually, boyyfrraaannnn, cute comment from birfdaii boii, little black dress, halves hangz, solid dudes with good hearts, oc, lame dudes, wentz look alike, AIDS, unnecessary comments, cold nights, muffins, "they were not too sweet", "whats worse, balls or douchebags?", internet creepz, boca burgers, determining fates, discussing futures, renewing dreams, "my date with drew", new AP, inspirations.

 

coming soon-minor tweeks, driving, music, dads play, mental refreshment, working my ass off.

(1)do it

[08 Feb 2007|05:09pm]
Anna Nicole.....has died.

it was a plan created by the government. the whole family will be wiped out by summer. just you wait and see. 

this week is messed up. 
I'm going to a wedding saturday. I have a really sweet dress and theres gonna be an open godiva bar. pumped.
(2)do it

[29 Jan 2007|06:17pm]
I'm trying this thing where I only write about personal things in my for real journal-then eventually I can put it to good use for my creativity. I'll only be updating with show news and reviews that I plan on writing in the near future. If I ever stop being so fucking lazy. Oh yeah, and for lame surveys like this one. yeyyy. p.s im way sick and I hate it. p.p.s I totally dont like the idea of Mtv2 doing "Crank Yankers". just sayin.

You.
Can.
Only.
Type.
One.
Word.

Not as easy as you might think.

1. Where is your cellphone?
bagged.

2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend?
none.

3. Your hair?
lame.

5. Your father?
strange.

6. Your favorite thing?
music.

7. Your dream last night?
worrying.

8. Your favorite drink?
water.

9. Your favorite car?
works.

10. The room you're in?:
Mine.

11. Your ex?
Ha.

12. You are?
sicky.

13. What do you want to be in 10 years?
writer.

14. Who did you hang out with today?
lame-o's

15. What you're not?
hateful.

16. Muffins?
corn.

17. One of your wish list items?
macbook.

18. Who took the...?
money.

19. The last thing you did?
coughed.

20. You're wearing?
pajamas.

21. Your favorite TV show?
sitcoms.

22. Your pet?
pudgers.

23. Your computer?
amazing.

24. Your life?
workaholic.

25. Your mood?
blargh.

26. Missing?
love.

27. What are you thinking about right now?
everything.

28. Your car?
old.

29. Your work?
stressful.

30. Your summer?
incredible.

31. Your relationship status?
irritating.

32. Your favorite color?
red.

33. When is the last time you laughed?
afternoon.

34. Last time you cried?
December.

35. School?
enjoyable.
do it

[07 Jan 2007|07:52pm]
I've come to the conclusion that weekends were only created so useless people like me have an excuse to be lazy.
I woke up at 11:30 this morning and have felt like death all day. I'm going to start setting my alarm because it's for real getting out of hand. Last mb dinner. its official. never turning back. asian pictures and good times. amy hurt herself-it was pretty scary. 
fudruckers with dad and ihop with tara. fatty fat fat. 
went bowling for the first time since i was seven. now i know why i haven't played it since i was seven. everyone scored 80-130. I scored in the 40-50 range. winner.
visited amy and saw some great people. it was a really fun time making my phone talk.
saw "dream girls" and it was ehhh. definitely a few notches below "chicago", which was absolutely brilliant. it was creative because it had two different mindsets. "real life" and "fantasy life" which took place in Roxy's mind, which made sense because the songs and dances could exist in her fantasy world since vaudeville was, in a sense, her life. "dream girls" was just a film version of a musical. there was no creative interpretation. it would be equivalent to watching "the music man" or "singing in the rain." it was a great story, with overall great characterization and developement. Beyonce was overall flat and uninvolved, which could have been intentional. She wanted fame and that was it. She was abled to be shaped and changed because she was so desperate for that fame. If you don't like musicals...see it anyway. Marvel at Eddie Murphy and cry for him. He was amazing and made me fall in love with him as an artist and performer. I've never felt so much sympathy for a character. Jennifer Hudson made me cry when she was singing. "And I'm telling you I'm not going" made my arm practically explode from having so many goosebumps. Panera after the movie was pretty sweet too. "It was obvious who it was about..." "the Beatles?" "yeah. i heard ringo was a fucking bitch." 
I've been using crest whitestrips and my teeth are super sensitive. they're tingling a lot. 
I miss 80's metal a lot. I wish i was around back then so i could go to concerts. they must have been amazing.
If things go my way 2007 will kick 2006's ass. I'm ready for what's ahead and excited to get my name out there. 
that's what it's all about. being open despite what may happen. because sometimes the best things happen when you make yourself the most vulnerable. 
do it

[27 Dec 2006|12:03am]

So the holiday season is officially over. Its funny how there's so much trouble, yelling, confusion, and rushing for something so short.
Christmas Eve I spent with my dad and his family in Queens. Usual fights over politics and unnecessary topics. I almost fell asleep over the fight my step mom and uncle had over the Knicks and why they suck. 
Christmas day was really chill and I was basically happy (lazy) the whole day. Lame fight between my sister and i but it got solved really fast. thats usually how it is with us. My grandma made chopped meat and spinach lasagna which owned my belly. I ate so much these last couple of days my body for real hates me. 
I'm going to Atlantic City for the day tomorrow and it should be fun doing some after holiday shopping. H&M and Betsey Johnson are my number one priorities.
Thursday we're going into the city for Tara's birthday. I'm really excited--mainly because I haven't seen the city decorated for christmas since I was fourteen. Really pathetic for someone who lives so close.
Me and Courtney did some emailing to Steve from 2*Sweet's management. Amazing opportunities are ahead and there will be six shows here in 2007. It's funny how people are talking about them on livejournal and myspace. I see music secrets about them and laugh about how people compare andy to patrick from fob and justin to beckett from tai. They're such great dudes and I'm so excited to see them perform again. It's gonna be crazy hanging with them after five months. But I have a feeling it's gonna be the same after .2 seconds. 
I got my package from WPU and I'm so pumped. Starting to take things in my own hands but it's gonna take some time. wish me luck.
I really love life right now. Great family, great friends, great food, great gifts. 

I got everything I wanted and more.
Yellow Andy Warhol canvas tote bag
boho/hobo/homo bag: light pink
brown faded leather bag
fake chanel wallet
three pairs of pajama pants
starbucks/shell gas/simon/target/amc gift cards
journalistas: famous female journalists
pirates 2
lupe fiasco:food and liquor
dane cook: vicious circle *with free sufi shirt*
hellokitty stationary/keychain/pencil
gap body bathrobe
shampoo/face wash/shower stuff
vitamins/advil/anti-sicky stuff
empire state building swatch watch
circle pendant necklace
little scrap book
portable sudoku
slippers
money

it comes in handy having three families and a job. you never have to buy the stuff you need. 
i love giving gifts and i'm so happy everyone loved their gifts so far. tbm need a hang soon! it's so great to hear little kids, family and friends genuinely say "thank you." it is one of the best feelings in the world getting a smile from someone.

war is over.if you want it.

(5)do it

[09 Dec 2006|10:35pm]
20 facts about me. Because I'm for real that bored. 

1. Ever since I was little I have been deathly afraid of E.T. Not just the movie, but that creepy little alien in general. 
2. If given the opportunity and money--i would eat mexican food practically every day. I love it so much. 
3. I find it hilarious, amusing, and flattering that people try to find ways to talk trash about me. Dirty looks and whispers really get me in a tizzy. It makes me want to act even more like a fool. I just like to get a rise out of everyone. I push the limit as much as I can just for fun. 
4. I like and trust every single person until they give me a reason not to. 
5. There are not a lot of people I love. But for those who I do...I love them unconditionally. I will be loyal and honest to them. If they murdered a man, I will give them a place to hide because they mean that much to me. No matter how different, weird, jerky, I respect them for who they are and who they want to be. 
6. When I like a movie, I LIKE a movie. Meaning, I buy it on DVD and watch it every day for a straight week. Then when I get bored after that week, I wrap myself in blankies and turn it on. 
7. I just recently started sleeping with a teddy bear again. I've never felt so comfortable in my sleep. 
8. My mom got rid of my baby blanket and I was mad at her for a couple of months. Sometimes I still get really angry when I need some sort of comfort. 
9. Sometimes I believe that I wasn't meant for this way of life. suburban, safe. Either that, or I know there's so much more out there for me and I'm just itching to get to it. 
10. I know I'm going to cry like such a baby at graduation but I still can't wait to start the next part of my life and learn more. 
11. Every mistake I make...I learn from it. Sometimes I engrave that moment in my head so I won't even think of letting it happen again. 
12. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if something terrible happened to me. Like how people would react and how they would treat me. Whether they would abandon me or never leave my side. But then I feel awful for even thinking about it and then I ask God to forgive me. Because I never want to take life for granted.
13. I hate talking about my personal life and either get really embarassed or bring up another subject. I've always thought I am nothing special and that there are far more important things to discuss than me. 
14. I can't watch scary movies. No matter how lame they are, I still get nightmares. When I watch them my heart pumps in my throat, my stomach hurts, and I shake. I watched "The Hills Have Eyes" and I almost broke into tears.
15. I hate when people make jokes of serious things. 
16. I'm so sarcastic and ironic with my words and humour, only a select few really understand when I'm serious and when I'm not.
17. The guys I like are few and far between but when I like them, I like them. I can't stop thinking about them and I feel happiest when I'm around them or in their arms. And this statement is so general because it never works out. 
18. I've had crushes on pretty much all of my guy friends for a split second. Mainly when I spend a lot of time with one of them and I get clouded and mix my "i want to date you" feeling, and "you're my bro" feeling. 
19. When I was little until freshman year I wanted to be a singer. My feelings changed but sometimes when I watch movies about musicians and singers I always turn on my music and start dancing around and singing. To this day I wonder what it would be like to be lead singer of a band. 
20. Disney World is one of my favorite places. I rarely go there, but when I do, I feel like a kid again. I run around and feel so happy and free. Last time I went I cried during the fireworks. It's just so amazing and beautiful that they bring out the idea that with enough dreaming and wishing, anything you want could come true. I wished at the end of those fireworks.
(2)do it

[02 Dec 2006|11:15pm]
In two days I will know whether or not William Paterson will be my future college. I'm really stoked because I know this school will be the best thing for me. They are one of the greatest schools for the arts/music and I know I will learn so much there. I hope the head of admissions knows how passionate I am about this. I'll make sure she knows. 

Today I woke up and wrote half of my lit paper and I think it's turning out pretty decent so far. I just have to get some good quotes from Jane Eyre and I'm done.
So anyways, at around two i picked up carly and we drove over to Amy's. We then drove to Denville and played/took pictures at "Saturn Park". It was so much fun and brought me back to those days going there afterschool in third grade. The rest of the afternoon consisted of going to starbucks and getting hot chocolate, going to viking and getting smiley cookies, Santaland, talking to creepy Santa, and going to A.C Moore. Santa was for real the creepiest dude ever. We walked in the little hut where he was and he said and I quote. "OH HO HO FINALLYYY I WAS WAITING FOR YOUUU." weird. We talked to him for a bit and and he explained why he won't give kids living animals for christmas. "you see, they get really scared of the height of the sleigh and they pee all over the presents. Then we have to go ALLL the way back to the North Pole and rewrap them." Logical. 

At five i dropped Amy at work and came home and proof-read my paper. I only took out some stuff that didn't fit in with the message I wanted to get across. Sometimes I just talk and write for the sake of doing so. In Creative Writing I'm doing this short story and I really like the way it's starting. It's kinda dedicated to a certain mexican because one of the characters remind me of his mentality. It just happened. Really, I'm not that creepy. I'll most likely post it when its fully done. 

For the next issue of the paper, I think I'm doing stuff on the Winter Concert and the top things to do on a winter night. Should be very interesting. Seeing as thats pretty much my life--finding something interesting to do. And hopefully I'll get to write my predicitions on the Grammy's. Cuz I'm most likely gonna be lame and watch them. i'm ready to start the next issue already. We're doing these creepy interviews where we pretend to be famous people. I was Jennifer Aniston and my instructor was like 'wow. it was like she was really here. you had her attitude down." I don't know how to take that. I just want to put this baby together because seriously, the proudest moment I ever have is putting something together that the whole school reads. It's even crazier when the front page has your article and your pictures. nuts. 

I need to start Christmas shopping and stop procrastinating so much. I guess I just work better under pressure. And I need to make my Christmas mixxx. This is seriously the best time of the year. I'm so excited for family and friends. AND AFTER CHRISTMAS SHOPPINGGGG!!! Mainly, I'm excited for another break. I am so lame. But I'm appreciating things a lot more. And I know that's good and what I'm supposed to do. It's weird how I'm turning logical and yet I still have no common sense. Everyone has their quirks, I guess.

'my heart can be your home...'
(3)do it

[19 Nov 2006|11:17pm]

i can't complain right now. honestly. i have great friends whom i love dearly, i have a family that accepts/loves me for who i am and what i want to be. i have big dreams that i'm willing to work for and i have opportunities that some people will never have the chance to experience and feel. not to mention i have a job again and i am saving up for stuff because i mean, if i want it...ill do whatever it takes to get it. thats just me. no matter how lame it may be.

"You find all of your ugly meanings
in all of the things I find beautiful.
Do you see the fall is coming?
Come, I'm falling into you."

the hush sound is truly one of the most emotionally touching bands ever. i just feel amazing listening to them. 

Minus of the week: got my first ticket because my front headlight was out. bum out.
Plus of the week: i got a haircut and dye job that im absolutely in love with. 

i went to a bridal shower today and i ate more than i ever have. i felt sick for like two hours. 
i'm excited for mr. mh. two of the best boys are in it and i love them both dearly for totally different reasons. 
i have to work but i'm going to try my hardest to be front row/center for them. because i won't have it any other way.
plus i'll totes have my camera in hand, ready to go. this shits gonna be ridikulus.

he's my golden boy.


p.s i plan on buying myself a new camera after christmas. if anyone has any opinion on reasonable priced cameras that have somewhat professional quality, PLEASE let me know. I'm looking between $100-250 range. And preferably something i'd be able to buy at a store so there'll be sweet after-holiday sales. if you REALLY like your camera and the quality of pictures it takes/overall available effects, please tell me the model/where you found it/price. thank you. 


love and embrace life with all of it's surprises.
(6)do it

[09 Nov 2006|12:59am]
"I love how when I want something people say something to make me feel like shit for wanting it.
Or If I want someone to do me a favor--someone makes me feel like shit that I, for once, asked for the favor, and didn't do the favor."

I wrote this last year. It's back to haunt me.

Tomorrow was supposed to be one of the best days ever.
i just have to remember that it's okay.
they'll be back in nj soon.
i'll see them with court and lis-hopefully.
it'll be like how tomorrow was supposed to be.
i'll dance, sing, scream, and finger point.
i just won't do it tomorrow.
i guess you just have to make sacrifices sometimes.
although they may not seem good for you now, they eventually will.
Eventually.

i'm so lame sometimes. as you can easily see.

i actually like interviewing people. i get pleasantly surprised theyre not who i think.
i love my "job" at the paper. i can do everything i love to at the same time. it's a lot of work...but its so worth it.
do it

if everything goes according to plan... [04 Nov 2006|03:14am]
We'll win championships.
I'll see Borat.
I'll spend all of Sunday sleeping.
Me and Court will have good hangs thrifting.
Everything will go smoothly getting picture shit together for the paper.
The paper will turn out decent.
I won't be so tired anymore.
I'll get my work done at a decent time so i can relax more.
I won't procrastinate.
I'll get to make a dino cake.
I'll be spending the first day and night of my four day weekend with some broes in Phillyz
Not to mention great gals too.
My dad will start liking me a little more.
And will make me less paranoid about being alone with him.
Most importantly:I won't get sick. teateateatea.

I'm going to far into the future. We'll see what happens after this week.
do it

[28 Oct 2006|08:15pm]
"you'll enjoy this. you really will"
I'm looking forward to the future.
Something that usually scares me so much.
"its okay you don't have to grow up"
"you have nothing to worry about. believe me."
we don't tell lies anymore.
the truth is what really is reassurring
because that's what family does.
masks with fake smiles and warm beating hearts are broken
because we're only ourselves with each other.
through the tears, nervous break-downs, and loss of hope
we believe in each other.
and the fact that we honestly deserve more in this life.

"...it was back to the way it always was. Silent and awkward. No more topics to disguise what was really going on. What the real truth was. The truth that their pointless conversation was what saved them. What kept them from saying what they wanted to. Stopped them from ripping each other apart with pure passion. From being honest. Most importantly, this pointless conversation kept them quiet."
i truly think this is us. but most of the time it's one sided.


guess whos gonna start running soon. me.
buy me anything skurvy or paul frank. 


do it

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